Worst of 2005: The Trailers

I saw many bad films in 2005. Serenity - cheesefest. Brothers Grimm - preposterous. Monster-in-Law - abhorrent. But I am confident that I did NOT see the very worst 2005 had to offer. Sure, I was a dumbass for even renting Hide and Seek, but at least I knew enough to stay away from these stinkers based on their trailers alone.

10. Rumor Has It... First of all, a film title should not have an ellipses. So points off for that right off the bat. And what a freakin ridiculous premise.

9. Ringers: Lord of the Fans - Sounds too much like "Lord of the Dance." And, also, uh... even if you like LOTR (and I surely do), only a mammoth geek would have an interest in seeing this movie. Because he's in it.

8. Guess Who - OK, this one was mildly amusing ("Omigod, are we being audited?") but my loathing for Ashton Koochie trumps any promise this movie showed.

7. Elizabethtown - Cameron Crowe, you should've saved it for your therapist. And get a new composer because the music in this trailer made my tooth ache!

6. Domino - Keira Knightley as a model-turned-bounty hunter. I think that's all I'm gonna say about that. Oh, except: eat a sandwich, chicky.

5. Robots - I must've seen this trailer 20 times in Japan. "Lo-bo-tsu." I guess Pixar was trying to finally enter the boy market. Because fish and monsters and superheroes and bugs are so girly.

4. Cheaper By the Dozen II - What happened, Steve Martin? You became a waxy not-funny person. And please don't pantomime humping Bonnie Hunt ever, ever again.

3. Yours, Mine, and Ours - Just when you thought Dennis Quaid couldn't get any blander.

2. Son of the Mask - What? How? Who would procreate with that thing?

1. Herbie: Fully Loaded - How now, Lindsay? Do you long for your days of innocence? Of red hair and "baby fat?" I don't long for them enough to watch this movie.