Does it get any hotter than Italian footballers?

It wasn't hard to decide who to root for when watching Sunday's World Cup Final between France and Italy:

Angry Frenchman with Bad Attitude and Alien Head


vs.

Angelic Tall, Dark & Handsome Italian Stallion

Go ahead, "true" soccer fans... call me superficial! (What's more superficial than a world championship title being decided by a few penalty kicks anyway?) That Italian team is HOTT. Below, some of my fave players.


Gianluigi BUFFON
Goalkeeper
b. 1978
Looks like he'd be a rockstar if he wasn't a soccer player. Like 1970s, Ramones-style rock, only not ugly and not in English.



Luca TONI
Forward
b. 1977
Luca Dreami!




Mauro CAMORANESI
Midfielder
b. 1976
Love the hair, dude. Lose the skunky beard, though.







Fabio GROSSO
Defender
b. 1977
Cute despite that Jay Leno chin and the somewhat dim-witted expression.

Add all of these guys to my "Fantasy Roster."

Top 100

In response to Maya's call for my Top 100 Favorite Movies List, here she be... in approximate order:

1. The Godfather - Duh, right?

2. The Godfather Part II – It’s my duty to list this as #2.

3. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle - The greatest delight of the 21st Century. I hope the use of Asian-American dudes as titular characters continues to grow.

4. It's a Wonderful Life - "To my brother George... the richest man in town!" brings tears to my eyes every freakin time.

5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – Gets better with each viewing.

6. Tootsie

7. Field of Dreams – Excellent despite Kevin Costner’s presence… that’s a feat!

8. Kiki's Delivery Service – Cuter than the overrated Spirited Away.

9. The Empire Strikes Back –Yoda scored big points for this one.

10. Chungking Express – Tony Leung is an excellent specimen either in uniform or tighty whiteys.

11. The Big Lebowski – Am I wrong? Am I wrong, dude?

12. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner – Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn are, like, the best couple ever (except for maybe Bowie and Iman.)

13. Star Wars – an obligatory inclusion for any child of the late 70s/early 80s

14. The Graduate – elevated by the soundtrack

15. Rushmore – kicked off the comedic Renaissance

16. Annie Hall - ingenious

17. Step Into Liquid – I’ve been semi-obsessed with surfing since seeing this documentary, despite having never set foot on a surfboard.

18. Serpico – Al at his furry best (notice guys call him “Pacino,” gals call him “Al” – hmm.)

19. Labyrinth – At five-years-old, I had my first sexual urge seeing David Bowie is black spandex and rock star wig.

20. Vertigo – I saw this in 7^th grade and decided I did like “old movies” after all.

21. Lord of the Rings

22. Silence of the Lambs

23. Y Tu Mama Tambien

24. Lone Star

25. Crimson Tide – Viggo’s never looked hotter.

26. Ghostbusters

27. Donnie Brasco –You cannot deny the hotness, let alone the talent, of these men.

28. Dazed and Confused – Tied with Harold & Kumar for best repeat viewing potential.

29. Grave of the Fireflies – Heartbreaking

30. Gandhi – Best biopic ever, of the person most worthy of a biopic!

31. The Shawshank Redemption – Everyone loves this movie. It’s just good.

32. Lost in Translation – This might be a controversial choice, but Tokyo does make an excellent backdrop, and Bill Murray is funny as hell. Sofia got lucky with this one.

33. Donnie Darko

34. Waterboys – No, not the Adam Sandler vehicle. This movie stars young Japanese male hotties in Speedos.

35. The Karate Kid – “Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down”… ‘cept the 34 movies I ranked above you…

36. Babe – Who in their right mind can resist talking animals AND James Cromwell?

37. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

38. Earth – Lousy production values but the story is undeniably powerful.

39. Edward Scissorhands

40. Fiddler on the Roof – what can I say? I’m somewhat of a Jew. This is a musical that’s actually worth watching, though, regardless of race or creed.

41. Do the Right Thing

42. A Christmas Story – The only movie worthy of 24-hour rotation on TNT.

43. Miracle on 34th Street

44. Sleepless in Seattle

45. Halloween

46. The Dreamlife of Angels

47. Back to the Future

48. School of Rock

49. The Ring – Scariest movie in years

50. Anne of Green Gables
51. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

52. The Indian Runner – Yes, I like this movie for reasons other than Viggo’s wiener.

53. Hotel Rwanda
54. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham – Better-than-average Bollywood deserves praise.
55. Garden State
56. Good Will Hunting
57. The Guru – Ultimate guilty pleasure movie
58. Superman II
59. The Goonies
60. Forrest Gump
61. Young Frankenstein
62. Return of the Jedi
63. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
64. Home for the Holidays – Robert Downey, Jr. is perfection.
65. Fargo
66. Backdraft – This was my favorite movie between ages 10 and 13. ??
67. Better Luck Tomorrow
68. Muppets Take Manhattan
69. Mystic Pizza
70. Fly Away Home
71. Disney's The Little Mermaid – Ursula is by far the best Disney villain ever.
72. Play it Again, Sam
73. Babe: Pig in the City – This time there are monkeys! I love monkeys.
74. The Breakfast Club
75. Kill Bill (Vol. 1)
76. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
77. Finding Nemo
78. Rosemary’s Baby
79. Munich
80. Schindler's List
81. The Royal Tenenbaums
82. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
83. All About My Mother
84. When Harry Met Sally
85. The Abyss – elevated by the sheer hotness of Ed Harris
86. Batman Begins – Holy Best Superhero Movie Ever, Batman! (OK, except for Superman II)
87. The Others
88. Monsters, Inc.
89. Braveheart
90. Boyz n the Hood
91. The Exorcist
92. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
93. Abre los Ojos
94. Psycho
95. Mon Oncle
96. The Joy Luck Club
97. Se7en – The only time I liked Brad Pitt.
98. Mean Girls
99. Before Sunset
100. Sorry, Wrong Number

Doing Nothing is Hard Work

Whew, been awhile. I've been too busy doing nothing to blog. Seriously. My supervisor has been out of town for two weeks. She left me with a short list of things to do, but I've had to pace myself or I would've finished it all the first day. So I've been working really, really hard at filling eight hours a day in front of my computer. By the time 4:00 rolls around, I'm wiped.

Fortunately Maya came to visit for a few days to distract me from my hard labor. We imbibed heavily and consumed mass quantities. By the time she left, I could barely do a sit-up.

I've been seriously re-evaluating my lifestyle (workstyle?). Would it not be better to work in a restaurant or bookstore than planting my ass on this swivelchair all the livelong day? I wonder. Maybe everyone else my age has drawn the same conclusion, and that's why 1) it took Milla six months to find a waitress job and 2) Powell's has no vacancies.

Speaking of swivelchairs... I'm sure you've noticed that when you sit down on a chair which someone else has been sitting on, it feels uncomfortably warm. But have you noticed that when you get up after a long spell and then promptly return to your own chair, it feels normal? Is that because your ass is the exact same temperature as the chair, thus your body doesn't notice its warmness? Yeah that's probably it. Like when you take a pee after being in a swimming pool... that's some hot piss, you might think, but actually it's your body that's cold.

Pee pee and poo poo.

Time to think about how to best ration out the contents of my lunch bag. That should kill 20 minutes.

DVD Reviews as Moral Soapbox

Ugh, so after trolling Netflix in search of more ignoramus reviews, I feel pretty dirty. People hated 'Six Feet Under' because of its "gay agenda." People hated John Sayles's Lone Star because of its "Anglo-bashing." I just wanted to find an idiotic review that was based on pure, unadulterated stupidity, not on prejudice alone. Dang it!

So here are some more reviews, but let's be honest, these are more depressing than they are amusing.

THE INDIAN RUNNER

JR from San Clemente, CA
(See my other reviews ...)

0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

I found "the indian runner" ponderous and rampant with "method acting".The only person worth saving was the Arquette character who makes a very illogical turn around, one I felt was worthy of her. The Vietnam brother should have been brought to justice and hung.

(Rampant with "method acting"?! Sounds like the plague of the 20th Century! Take cover!)

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

1.0 star
RD from Eastford, CT
(See my other reviews ...)

10 out of 17 people found this review helpful.

Five minutes into this flick, a truck crashed into a telephone pole down the road.By the time the power was back on, I lost track of the plot and kept fast forwarding trying to pick up a plot or interesting scene. No such luck. It is the only film where I have fast forward to get to a quick end. I hate movies where they play mind games.Leave it alone. Cheerio !!!

(RD, meet the rewind button. Rewind button, meet RD. Fruit Loop !!!)

The rest of the Spotless Mind reviews I "tagged" for insertion aren't even worthwhile because they all say the same things:

1) "Why would anyone think this is a romantic comedy? It's not funny at all."
(Hint to Netflix: time to reclassify this one.)

2) "I wish I could have the experience of watching this movie erased from my memory."
(No points for originality)

And while we're on the subject of originality: when reading reviews for The Graduate, two reviewers who panned it-- within inches of each other-- called it "claptrap." Is that, like, a word that gets thrown around often? Maybe I'd understand if they were both from the same town or state and shared the same backwater vernacular... but they were from completely different regions of the country. And I looked up claptrap on dictionary.com.... it means "pretentious, insincere, or empty language." Hmm...

Netflix: It's for Dummies, Too

Inspired by Maya's post, I'm about to rag on some Netflix amateur DVD reviewers. Man, do you guys suck! While I'm at it, let me take a swipe at Netflix itself and advertise the fact that they sent me some incredibly low-budget Conan-type flick called CONQUEST in the envelope for BATTLE ROYALE. Which means they totally wasted the 6-8 days of the month it took for them to send me that piece of shit, and for me to return it and receive an actual copy of Battle Royale. And there's nothing they plan to do about it. Fuckers!

So, on to the roasting.

HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE

The major trend I saw with people who rated this film negatively was that they were offended by 1) the fact that the main characters were "nobodies" and 2) that the film was "racist." One reviewer even speculated that this is a "Blue State Movie." Check it:

DT from Middleton, CT
Rating: one star
Not funny. Racist and just a plain waste of time. White Castle has always been a favorite of mine. It now has a blemish.

Evangeline from Chi-town
Rating: one star
I have no problems with dumb comedies, having enjoyed "Eurotrip" and "Dude, where is my car", but this is just not funny, believe me. It is poorly conceived and constructed, the actors are absolutely uncharismatic wankers and there is just NOTHING to watch. I mean, if you do not laugh in a stupid juvenile comedy, than what do you do- follow the plot line? admire the acting? the sets? the sound?get stoned past being conscious?... At least "Stifler" and Ashton Kutcher have some comedic talent- these actors are just upgraded extras.

NJ from Gaffney, SC
Rating: one star
This movie is not funny, its ridiculous. And why do hollywood movies always and i mean always put in unneeded references to nazis, holocaust and israel. I guess what it really tells us who financed this movie. A word to the jewish filmmakers, enough of the crap already.

UPDATE: Whoa, Nelly! I decided to see where "read my other reviews" would take me. NJ from SC (above) turned out to be an actual neo-Nazi. Check out his/her other reviews here.

Monkey Shleps Cat

You have to look at these pictures on StuffonMyCat.com now!

Now I love monkeys. And I love cats. But monkeys and cats, playing and climbing trees together-- that melts my heart. I wanna pack up my cats and take them to Indonesia so they have a chance at meeting some monkey friends. I think they're pretty bored with Marc. (Ha ha, just kidding, Marc.)

How do people blog everyday? I have been sitting here for like 3 minutes trying to think of something else to write (that doesn't pertain to prime time television.) I don't wanna get all stream-of-consciousness on ya'all so I better just suck it up and hit publish post. How utterly boring.

Welcome Back, Snotter!

Hey na, hey na, my nose ring's back! It was a b-day present from Marc. Those two years I lived without it in Japan are just bad naked-nosed memories now. I got poked in the same exact spot I had it before so it's like it never left!

Hmm, my co-workers seem ambivalent about my new face adornment. I got the official "OK" from my boss before getting it done, of course. But unlike getting a new haircut or losing 10 lbs, no one is doing a double-take at me and going "Hey, nice nose stud!" In fact they are regarding it much the same as they might regard a shiny blue booger: trying not to stare, smiling politely, betraying their own disgust. What gives? Nose rings are cool. But I forgot my workplace is not.

I don't care, I feel cool! Especially in this town of self-proclaimed weirdos, facial piercings carry a certain cache. Maybe I'll finally get some respeto on the streets. Meanwhile I've been sneezing all day and it totally hurts.